I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
