She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
