then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
