i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Sext me about skeletons
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
