Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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