its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize