You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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