Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
