He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
