I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
