Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize