My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
