Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
