I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
