i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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