you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize