I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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