There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize