Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
