so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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