she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
