Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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