If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
