You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize