I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
