I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We are all done wearing pants today
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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