There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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