fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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