It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
