She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
