if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
