I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
