I'm gonna have a badass scar
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
