Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize