im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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