she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
