did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You just made me feel so damn special
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
