He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
