i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
