I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
