I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
