If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Did I show you my penis last night?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
