Im at strip club and am horny
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
