I must be too annoying 4 u.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
