I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize