I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
