i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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