beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
