I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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