I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
