apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
