fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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