i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
