bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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