Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
