We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
