you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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