come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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