So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
