I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
