i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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