Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I party with great urgency now.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
