please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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