my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
