I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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