I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
