So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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