well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
