they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
