apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
