how can u be prego again
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
