does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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