i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
