it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
