Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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