he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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