Pappa wants mamma naked
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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