I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Damn victory sex feels great
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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