so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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