you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
