It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
