4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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