he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
