I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize