I think i peed on brittanys purse
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
