Yo dont text me then not text me
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I need water and some morals
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
