we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
