bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
