Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
