it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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