You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
